Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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