Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
