call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You pole danced in your parka.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
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Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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