okay pat passed out under dana's car
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
