Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
