my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
