He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
