i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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