exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
