I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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