a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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