I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
