Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
