it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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