you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
