I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
