Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my shit smells like andre
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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