He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
