I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
