genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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