think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
