My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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