Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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