how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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