? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
