Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
