he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
