i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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