My brain says no but my pants say off.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
