there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
