and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
