you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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