I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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