just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
