So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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