I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
