No, drunk sperm still make babies.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
