Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
