it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
