my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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