Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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