Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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