I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
