see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
