Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
