She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
