I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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