Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
