Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i think im in europe. pls send help
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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