Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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