on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
